Katy’s Mental Health Journey

Hi, I’m Katy, I guess I’ve never been the best socially anyway but during my last year at Secondary School, everything got a whole lot worse. I slowly became anxious and was never in a good mood. Faking that I felt okay. I think what caused it was the potential for a huge change as my Dad got a new job 6 hours away from where I lived at the time and grew up. It was also the year of university applications. I had before planned to stay in Aberdeen and study as it saved me getting into debt and both Aberdeen Universities are good universities. That was if I got in. I was then faced with the decision of staying in Aberdeen (or somewhere else in Scotland) and take out a student loan for living costs and move out or moving to England and being in debt over tuition fees. In the end got unconditionals to both of the Universities in Aberdeen, and decided to study at Aberdeen University.

During 6th year, I was fighting with my mum constantly and like I said was never in a good mood. I eventually went to the Doctor as me and my family were struggling to live under the same roof. Over the summer before Uni, I “moved out” and stayed with my auntie as a trial run before Uni, I also at the time was put on to citalopram by my doctor. I also started counselling but I personally feel that it wasn’t for me, I knew the root of most of my issues and why they happened and knew I was being illogical. I had this annoying argument between my emotional brain and my logical brain. Worries I had, logically I knew I could deal with them and things would be okay but my brain said otherwise. I hated busy areas, I usually loved travelling on trains etc but if they were busy my brain couldn’t take it something as simple as a baby crying got to me. Over the summer I was better but at the start of Uni, I stupidly stopped taking them. I was okay for some of that semester but around Christmas, I gradually returned to the previous state I was in before. I never wanted to get out of bed, my diet was awful, which I realise now probably didn’t help. I was always thinking I was annoying my friends. That they didn’t actually like. I had a “group” of friends and I always felt I was the runt and my self-esteem was very low. Part of what started on this downward spiral of low self-esteem was a guy I liked completely messing me around and leading me on, which looking back now is a stupid thing to let get to me but it did and started off something much bigger.

I have since then gotten better and gotten worse again, I have currently lost 6 stone and hopefully will lose more but I have had my moments as I am not one to deal with stress well. So around exam time and around deadlines I still have my moments but it is nothing compared to what I used to be. However, I have had gallstones since November, Undiagnosed until April and because of that I have had a quite restricted diet and became very anxious about what I ate so am not back on 10mg of Citalopram which seems to have helped and hopefully I will get this gallbladder issue sorted out soon so I can get back to normal.

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